i get turned down more than a collar. where are the desperate bitches i need to crawl to them
I swear if I see one more guy in a v-neck and fedora I'm going to punch someone in the balls. This is philly, you're not supposed to look like Ryan Cabrera
I realized courtney is my jiminy cricket but instead of preventing me from telling lies she prevents me from fucking strangers
No one actually likes Tequila. They just accept it as a fact of life. Like hpv.
my sombrero is too big for the bathroom
she got pretty angry when i tried to superglue her fingers together.
Well I'm 2 for 2 with the absinthe, I just woke up in some random car behind the bar
I'm going to tattoo a maze on my back for the next fucker that tries to blow early ....
We should probably go now, otherwise the whores will descend.
All I want to do on Facebook today is comment on people I knew in high schools profile pictures and tell them how much uglier they are now.
You told me to keep you from drinking, but we both know I'm not that kind of friend.
She had an asthma attack and had to stop but insisted on getting me off. It's official she's the one
I'm excited for you as you venture towards new drug experiences
It's a good thing vaginas don't have taste buds
When we started the night I was in zebra wedges & she was in my black boots... I woke up wearing pink flip flops & the mirror on my rental is fuxked up. Wtf happened last night?
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