How the fuck did you go into work today? You are a better man than I. I couldn't even show up to being unemployed on time.
My dad just drunkly made a toast in front of my entire extended family "to my daughter the recent and sucessful college and to my son the drunken whore-monger"
Do you ever think that bumblebee is the gay transformer?
Every day of my life.
Acid is not a monday night drug
I just heard a girl in all seriousness say, "I told him I'm not a stalker. I just really really want to talk to him."
theres so much semen in my vacuum cleaner...
All I've succeeded in doing since I saw you is drool on my shoulder
A girl told me I was her "alcohol spirit animal" tonight. Somehow I think my whole life was secretly building up to this moment
With a stable of 7 fuck buddies, I literally use a random number generator to determine the order in which I will booty call them on my way home from work. I have not slept in my own bed in a month. I just keep half my clothes hanging in my car or in a suitcase.
He's mad at me because I said I wouldn't date him if his dick was smaller. I fail to see the issue
Reading becomes significantly more difficult when people are having crazy loud sex in an adjoining room
Well now you know... If you can get over the awkward... The dick is 10 min away.
I DEMAND FORESKIN
Yup we found her. The bouncer was carrying her out
He made me promise not to describe his penis in detail to you....oops.
Randomize
