That level of neurosis does not find love outside of Grey's Anatomy.
I dont ever wanna see you tell my little brother to "spread the seed" ever again
Any girl that compares her vag to a hot ham sandwich is beyond a slut
Is King's over? Or do I still have to say 'On Matt's cock' at the end of every sentence on matt's cock?
Oh, I'm just lighting tennis balls and WD-40 on fire, what are YOUUU doing?!
Just saw a dude in a banana costume get beat down by a one shoed black dude wearing a kilt...paninis is such a shit show after 10 on a Saturday
I didn't think about how painful the pumpkin seeds coming up the next morning would be. Oh well, I'm good at making pumpkin seeds and that's all that matters.
todays sighting is titled: Bum taking pictures with an invisible camera.
Saw a girl on a walk of shame bend down and look in a pizza box by a trash can to see if there was still a slice left. That's when you know
... and smoked a joint with my new landlord. I'm starting to like Germany.
I'm putting his belongings the garage sale so he can buy his own stuff back. # divorced life. Thanks for cheating on me you tone deaf dick biscuit that'll be $20. Haha.
His wedding band got caught on my nipple ring and that's how I realized he was married
tell raye i said hi and sorry for bleeding on the limes
He couldn’t find my clit with a map. Literally. I drew him a map.
She told me I’m a “stunt cock.” I’m okay with that
Randomize
