I just watered my plants with apple juice. Look what you made me do.
Ever had blood in your semen? I am guessing that's a problem.
you read me verses from the beginners bible until my answering machine finally ran out of time and cut you off.
Drunk. I slept-stripped.
By myself.
She. Own s my pussycat. Roxk it like. The sun hitting the horizon
So I vaguely remember making out with you this morning, I think you were on a date?
I tried to force my roommate into a sink last night. And I almost won.
Just be aware that next year I will probably try to seduce you to avoid going to the gym
The party got hot, we all started raging, took off some clothes, someone threw me in the shower and we all kept raging. Nude Rager, I was there at the point of conception.
I feel like parents watching our children. You want to step in and help them but you just have to let them make their mistakes
I'm like 89% sure I could get him to buy me a car in exchange for a half-assed handy.
Do you ever have one of those days when your breasts are just fucking awesome?
I know I'm drunk but why am I receiving this handjob through the pant leg of my shorts..?
I currently don't understand fingers.
There's a difference tho. *I* drink at seven in the morning because I work graveyards. YOU drink at seven in the morning cause you're an alcoholic.
Randomize
