Grossest hangover story of 09: Puked in the bathtub. I was in it.
It's an Italian thing I guess, grew up on that shit.
I'm Irish, we don't eat cow guts unless they're blended into a fine whiskey
Hi, I just found this phone under my seat at a brewers game and seeing as you're entered in as 'fillllatio' I figured I'd ask you if you know the illiterate ass who owns this phone. Thanks :)
My patience ran out after you started clapping at the strippers everytime they took off a piece of clothing.
He was ugly. Like horse ugly. But he was built for power, not for speed.
Not enough. Tell the person next to you to give you their drink. I give you permission. And then chug it. Be a hero tonight.
I make your heart skip a beat like that pivotal moment when you open a public toilet lid
I just bought $54 in Easter crap to try and blend in the pregnancy test... And FYI, it totally worked.
You turned to me, winked, whispered "man the harpoons" and walked out with the fat chick
He corrected my use of grammar... I think we both know that means i have to sleep with him
This day sucks. I just wanna play ostrich and bury my head in your boobs.
That feels better than graduating college or that time I tried to ride a llama. Did you know they really spit?
Almost ran over girl selling candy bars for charity. Pretty much obligated to buy at that point.
There. Isnt. A. Single. Person. Who. Is. Not. High. At. Church.
FINE. BE CELIBATE AND ACCUMULATE CATS. SEE IF I CARE.
Randomize
