once we finished he held up the condom and asked if i wanted to keep it as a souvenir.
oh and he was serious.
OMG! Someone dumped chocolate soft-serve in the bathroom! Dibs!
i'm transferring to degrassi. i don't care that it's severely canadian. classes are five minutes long, there's no actual work and you can get oot of class whenever you want to go have a dramatic scene with someone in the hall
he was gone before i woke up. left a pee stain, phone number, note and $20 for sheets. safe to say i will not be calling.
My face is tingly. And my legs are being massaged by golden elves.
Don't ask how or why, but I think the 775 on the inside of my lip is permanent
An outback commercial just played and I remembered that guy from Australia Imade out with at the Derby. Great Bachelorette Party, btw.
Whenever I walk away from the group without saying anything, NEVER assume I'm just going to the bathroom.
I just went into a strangers house to have a spoonful of sugar to cure my hiccups, wtf is wrong with me
So hungover im counting my own breaths to make sure im not dead. The odds hurt.
How's dinner? Come here? You can bring your boyfriend if you're ok leaving without him
No more house parties. We're almost fucking 30 years old and I slept until 6 pm.
how much boxed wine can one drink before work in a couple of hours?
Who gets call-your-ex-from-4-years-ago drunk on a Thursday??
Like I just wanted some midlife crisis fun, not drama as big as his dick.
Randomize
