i just woke up to that girl in my doorway. I kid you not. Tan and lime green thong on. peeing on the carpet in the hallway. Then she collapsed. There is a load of towels in the wash. Just thought you should know when you wake up. Gross.
I like to use the word "seasoned" over "slutty", you know, like a good curly fry
you dont seem to understand my overwhelming need to watch space jam right now
I guess at this point I should stop judging guys on their looks and more on their major and trust fund. Growing up sucks.
The sex I just had was not worth missing a girls night out.
I shouldn't be home alone with this much peanut butter and the dog. I feel like i'm being recorded to see when my desperation will peak.
And theres a reasonable expectation that if you're fighting over a pair of yoga pants on the ground at VS someones gonna videotape it
But life is now good. Well, not good, good would be not wearing the penis hat with the extended family of the boy I just cheated on, but as good as it's going to get today
I have a calendar reminder for world domination today, you wouldn't happen to know anything about that would you?
Am I allowed to be in denial about being gay again? Or is that one of those things you can't do?
I should have been on a postcard. I was sitting in the middle of the forest with a plate full of pot brownies and missing you.
And amler is totally snoring loud as fuck sitting on the steps with her feet in a puddle of soda puke
I was weirded out when the chunky goth girl and her boyfriend both started eyeing me and wanted to by me a drink.
You're the best friend ever. I wouldn't want to do the walk of shame with anyone else.
Chugging this bottle of Jim at the airport is proving more difficult than I imagined. TSA is not amused.
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