that drag queen yelled at him and touched me to make him jealous and said things like this is what a real man feels like. it was a thrill.
woke up with peach flovored chap stick on my taint ! dont ask why i know it was peach
She's holding my hand. I'm going to kill myself.
You were sitting at the bus stop holding hands with some Polish girl you just met, who was just as drunk as you were, and you kept trying to light your Kit Kat and smoke it.
Hey I never found my wallet but i did find a bag of 14 soft taco supremes
I have your wallet. Trade you for the tacos.
Found our threesome girl. She says I'm pretty. She doesn't know I'm pregnant. Yet. Think we can pull it off?
he may be homeless but his dick however is not... anymore.
im actually trying to see how many sex dolls we need for our raft so we can stay buoyant while we attack kayakers
Do you know how to give stiches?
I do not...this text concerns me
i had an epiphany while laying on the driveway for 5 hours yesterday.
i realized i waste a lot of time
who sends a dick pic at 3 am on a sunday honestly
seriously. and now it'll take him hours to clean up the glitter
Like I wasn't going to make out with the hot Australian sitting next to me at the Portland blazer game?
No idea who's grandma but people were just running around naked
I'm at home 4 xanax deep watching She's all that.. no I don't want to go out. The couch is eating me.
omg last night while walking home from your house I stole a seatless bike and carried it into my next door neighbors kitchen.. we just looked It up online it's an antique and worth $500 dollars
Randomize
