it sounded like he was fisting a can of crisco.
no matter how many times i close my eyes and hit ignore on my phone. i must remind myself shit i still have to see her at work
Who would have sex with her? She looks like she shops at baby gap
so when we were booking the hotel and plane tickets for vegas we reserved a chapel for someone, it's inevitable.
walking on campus just saw the exact moment some kids life got ruined
he's on the phone and just starts going "FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCCCCCCCCKKKKK", then follows it with "Are you sure your pregnant?"... made my day
She had one of those kid princess beds. I asked how she expected to fuck on that and she just said "thats what the slide is for". I've never wanted to marry a one night stand before.
All I remember is intermittent flashes of being passed out on the side of the road 3 or 4 different times. And telling him to just leave me there and I would walk home in the morning.
there's no way I could forget finding someone else's hand in my pants
I was jumping over your garbage can screaming "Im a snow cat!!" ..Who wouldn't want to see that?
URGENT INPUT I'm at a renesance fair after party and I'm 100% lined up to fuck their sword swallower OR their contortionist. Dont say both - which direction doth I roll?
Ive only just recently decided that NOT fucking you would be best for both of us.
I STILL HAVE A HARD TIME DECIDING WHAT TO WEAR IN THE MORNING HOW WOULD IT BE POSSIBLE FOR ME TO PICK A PAIR OF PANTS AND GO OH ILL JUST WEAR THESE FOR THE REST OF MY LIFE
I walked into Anna's room this morning and she was like teary eyed, with pizza sauce all over the place
I'm so drunk. Remember me this way.
Well, let me first tell you that jack and cokes were ONE FUCKING DOLLAR.. It's like the club wanted me to make poor choices.
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