I just changed her number in my phone to "You Wouldn't If You were Sober"
Discovered the secret to willingly attending my 3-o'clock class. Ahoy, Cap'n.
Either I get my picture taken sitting on a fuckin pony, or I'm not coming.
There's a certain level of slut that i can handle.... I think she just broke that scale
explaining to a nurse how i all most cut my finger off playing beer pong, she def just hand me a AA booklet.
WHY. COME BACK. TRAPPED WITH ROOMMATE AND FALCON. SAVE ME. I HAVE HUMMUS.
I just burped smoke on the bus. Hello 6:48am
Stoned in a petco on a Saturday. I figured out that ferrets can eat themselves out. Just picture it. Never leaving.
We shouldn't eat pizza in the pool
We r drinking tequila out a glass bottle and smoking weed underwater, pizzas the least of our concern
Is it a bad thing that I'm trimming my nose hairs in anticipation for the 8ball to be delivered?
I used my iced coffee to ice the bump on my head from last night
I thought we agreed to no sexting at the school bake sale...
My theme for the night was drink diego drink! Unfortunately Dora was not there to navigate me to the bathroom
The guy at the liqiour store just said "Wow haven't seen you in awhile, is everything okay?"
Remember the guy with the pretty voice that gave us crabs?
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