I'm going to get drunk on champagne by myself.
Oh no wait my cat's here. Thank god for a second there I sounded really sad.
If I see one more duchette wearing Ed Hardy, but not actually having a real tattoo. I swear Im gonna shank a bitch.
Once again you get dinner and all I get is semen on my leg
I just want to get to the point in our relationship where I can get on top of her and fart and we can both laugh...not just me.
She made fun of how I walked so I announced to her boyfriend that I have cum on her face before.
You kept yelling that her vagina looked like a hatchet wound.
I just stood up and am wasted. I think I just admitted to my mom that I am trying to fuck everyone in New York because they're skinny and ethnically ambiguous. Meanwhile, happy hour isn't over yet.
Wait..I think something else did happen last night my vagina is too pleased for this level of hangover..
i should probably stop thinking with my vagina, and start using that $70, 000 education i can't afford. what the fuck.
How can I politely yet provocatively ask you for a cock shot?
Nothing bonds a father and daughter like washing her puke off the front steps
Also I stopped in the middle of the road and put my hazards on because BUNNIES WERE PLAYING
Growing a beard is gonna make smoking a pipe look so much more majestic
He got in a shopping cart outside of home depot and insisted we push him down a flight of stairs. For science.
Ok, maybe playing "whose family is most dysfunctional" wasn't the best drunk idea we've had. Todd''s been crying in the bathroom for an hour. We can't get him out...
Randomize
