I would drag my balls through a mile of broken glass to eat pudding out of her anus
i need a shirt that says "I fuck trainwrecks"
so last night after we hooked up i got my period and woke up this morning with a blood stain on his bed and not only was it huge but i had put my jeans back on before bed so i took the walk of shame with period stained pants
i just looked at my contacts and realized i saved the pizza hut girl's number as "fckucin pizza" the other night.
funny how all you have to say is "i'm infertile" and boys are stoked on you
There's a pair of socks on the bar. No-one's questioned this.
Congratulations!! You are the WINNER of a brand new BLOWJOB!! You can collect your prize between the hours of 12pm and 1pm today, anywhere you'd like!!! :)
I'm gonna take off my shirt and spin it around my head like petey Pablo so u can find us
So you told me to remind you that you vomited 3 times in the street because you would forget so here is your reminder
you got coffee,laid,and a sandwich. that never happens when I work
Woah don't start going all boyfriend on me now, you're here for one thing and one thing only and that's sex, hot shameless sex.
just had a woman ask me to donate my eggs so that her baby could look like me. don't know whether to get a restraining order or be flattered. thoughts?
All I'm saying is there better be a bow on your dick for my birthday
My ex boyfriend literally just asked "who needs porn?". This is EXACTLY why I dumped his ass.
I need my comforter. Pls bring it to me and drape me in it like an animal pelt. Ps I'm naked.
Randomize
