I wanna come home
And do what?
Kiss. Rip clothes off. Repeat.
I swear ... this hickey is a map to Amelia Earhart's whereabouts
you kept wiggling your finger at everybody at the party telling us this is how he fingered me. you seemed pretty upset about it.
You sent me a text calling me "cunt" while i was in the middle of dumping my bf.
So we're fucking tonight?
Do you ever look back at facebook pics and say, "are those really guys I had sex with?"
well this feels familiar. awake at the crack of dawn laying in the fetal position praying for the sweet release of death. i think im done with jager for a while
i've never smoked before...when you said wake and bake i thought you meant like a funeral bbq or something
i may have reached my "but im high so it's cool" quota for the month.
If the cops knock on your door and ask if you saw anyone throw an orange out the window I was never there.
I just watched Matt try to put on a pillowcase thinking it was a t-shirt.
And one night I got way too drunk and thought he said call me a polish name so I called him Konrad. Now he thinks I cheated on him with a Konrad.
That's my new pick up line call me a polish name
Hey guys guess what I found in my bed this morning? I wish it was a man..but it was a potato
I just ordered a onesie on amazon in the back of the ambulance while my patient was sleeping. I'm an adult
No I don't. You owe me sex and cinnamon rolls.
My feet surprised me
Randomize
