I was in the bathroom and her cat just looked at my penis with a profound hatred.
I love Japanese schoolgirls with short skirts riding bikes on windy days.
You're never coming back, are you?
Ok, honestly? Periods can't be THAT bad, have you ever tried to shave a ball sack?!
For future references, orgasms clear sinuses.
I've created a drink called, "watching the sound of music with grandma." its straight vodka
Since when do you have sex with people you have feelings for?
Dude you don't understand. I genuinely felt his soul's penis in my soul's vagina.
Ive only seen a dude masterbate on a train twice, once on the Jtrain and once on the Ftrain... trust me you never wanna see where the subway turns around.
She saves ONE person's life while blacked out and now she's positive anything can be done "while fucking hammered"
Tell Chris I said sorry for yelling "It's my vagina, let me do what I want with it!" at the party last night.
Dude, I need a lifestyle change. I'm to old to be making out with chicks in foam parties, letting older chicks get all excited because I let them put their hands up my shirt, and running around doing scavenger hunts with 18 yr old chicks.
In order to see him, he made me facetime with his penis, which he had drawn a smile face on. Getting laid shouldn't be this difficult.
I was wasted and the time changed. I blame the male strippers.
dude, I convinced you I was your conscience for like 15 minutes last night. you weren't just "a little high"
Do you think I'm short enough to dress up in a ghost costume and go trick or treating and have people believe that I'm actually a child?
This drunk girl kept yelling for water so I dipped a cup in the toilet and gave it to her. She was thanking me all night.
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