im giving 12 year olds life advice. this is probably illegal somewhere.
There's a hand-carved wooden bong in my backpack, and i really wish i could remember last night now.
I just finished deleting miscellaneous contacts from my phone ... time for a HIV test!
Whales. Broccoli little trees giant. Magic in cat form. I want my loco and juice. Black in shower. Brb remember life.
If you're wondering where your left shoe is you lost it in a bet with a homeless guy last night
You're married and I'm going to make out with a stranger tonight. Isn't that weird? It's like a gap in the time space continium.
I just rolled over in bed and felt a bump. Turns out it was a lil nug. Talk about being princess and the weed.
So worth it. Come over for bacon egg cheese vusquit later. 12. I slept with Jimmy? On my period? And told him he had mother issues? No tequila. Tequila bad.
We got signed out of jail by an Uber driver. I think that qualifies as a great first night of college
I hid a TracFone in her bra. We'll find her tomorrow.
At least you didn't wake up next to your professor who then proceeded to cancel class via phone while still inside of me.
Man, it's really obvious that I was either handcuffed or tied up last night. Either way, not something you'd want coworkers knowing.
My hands smell like penis... I can't even remember the last time i touched a penis, but my hands say i did. Oh the mystery.
when I finally sobered up enough to get out of bed this morning I went to talk to mom and forgot that I had TITS written in big letters on both my hands. I love drinking games.
MASS TEXT: Next weekend I will be in town for St. Patty's day. There will be a bonfire and liqour olympics. We will have booze but in order to participate it is byob. Upon arrival everyone will be asked to sign a waiver. I am not responsible for liver failure, death, loss of clothing or memory, bites, scratches, hickies, pregnancies, or any other for of injury you may obtain while participating. There will be ridiculous amounts of green glitter, be prepared to puke it up. ALSO WEAR SOMETHING GREEN OR YOU WILL BE PENALIZED!! AUTOMATIC 5 SHOTS. HAPPY GAMING!!!
Randomize
