Do you think "I had sex with my co-worker last night I don't think I can come in today" is a good excuse?
i just made a list of the people i have slept with. is it bad that some of them are just either names of the places i met them or the color of the shirts?
i also rounded the number up for good measure. i am sure there are a few i have forgotten about.
She has an incinerator in her basement. Have you ever incinerated used condoms?
Lmao what?
It's a yes or no question.
Her best friend sent her a random hate text and the song they played at her father's funeral came on the radio. I just got cock blocked by the universe
If you know any fat girls who would pay me for sex, I am low on money and morals right now
It's official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world.
Trick or treaters just rang our doorbell
Give them the moldy beer cans, we need to get rid of those
I was living a snoop dogg song I fucked her on the floor so I wouldn't mess up my bed
All I know is I woke up with his business card in my bra and in my handwriting on the back it says 8 inch.
Naked snow angels was a very bad idea. My vag is now frozen shut.
She answered the door wearing a basket, said it was the only clean thing she had.
Nothing says I love you like a silicone dragon dick
He’s actually a personal trainer. He said he hasn’t taught yoga in a while but the stripper prefers to introduce him as a yoga teacher
I wish drug dealers had sales for the holidays
for future reference, singing eye of the tiger outside my door while i am having sex makes me incredibly uncomfortable
apparently not uncomfortable enough for you to stop
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