OMG! Someone dumped chocolate soft-serve in the bathroom! Dibs!
walkin around the woods blazed, drawing pictures of trees and plants, i get a grade for this
so if i die before i go back to school its because the thing we found in the hallway that i've been smoking out of is a crack pipe
I think I've hugged the toilet more times than I've hugged my own family members.
that was after you ironed the burrito. didn't leave much cheese on the ironing board though
we just got kicked out of the mexican restaurant. i have a full pitcher of margarita's hiding under my coat.
she keeps giving me cups of everbeer.. its everclear and beer mixed. i guess its blackout or backout time
I hope the doctor doesnt lift up and my shirt and listen to my lungs. I dont want to explain why I have rug burns on my back.
Bc when the owner of your local gay bar and a drag king ask you to take them to a rival gay bar 2hrs away at 4 in the morning YOU GO.
I mean turning down birthday sex is never the answer
I think he was trying to tie my clitoris in a knot with his tongue. So awful.
Life lesson 8263 if drinking a beer in the shower be careful when shampooing... Tresemme flavored rolling rock sucks
I was asked last night if Magnum makes a XXL..... I don't think I've ever broken this many condoms in my life
Nothing to be ashamed of. I bet Oprah has sharted.
I loaned him a tie and then had to tie it for him. I'm like his weird lesbian girlfriend.
Randomize
