Bea Arthur died! :(
What?
Big bird passed.
He said I taste like butterscotch, licked me, then I'm pretty sure he wet his pants. So no, I do not want to invite him over.
I'm glad we have the kind of friendship where if either of us is too drunk to fuck a hot guy, we pass the responsibility to each other and get the job done.
I just re read that. We really need to get our lives together.
Hypothetically, how much legal trouble do you think i will be in for stealing someone's dog?
while we were making out your friend starting kissing my toes and all you had to say was "just go with it"
tonight i'm going for the "i fuck with the lights on" look
he was cradling you in his arms feeding you rum straight from the bottle and you kept sucking his fingers.
He wears a hat. All the time. Even during sex. And I'm okay with that.
I'm mad at him and disappointed with you. It's like I put a bunch of effort into a PowerPoint of "what not to do with Zach" to show you and the first bullet point was "do not love him" and you're just disregarding all my effort and friendship.
I have to make mistakes myself to learn from them
FUCK YOU I AM MAKING A POWERPOINT
I just remember dedicating a shot to me giving you head so it was obviously a good night
He came over apologized for his lack of sexual skills. Cleaned my kitchen cooked me dinner. And gave me another one minute stand. I think im okay with this
So apparently dinosaur erotica does, in fact, exist.
I'm seeing how far I can grow my leg hair out before Jason will say anything. I'm up to an inch
A black cat walked my drunken ass home last night and made sure I made it back into the apartment safe. Sat with me for 30 minutes as I struggled to unlock the door. Guardian angel or drunken hallucinations?
Nothing will ever be as awkward as looking my mother in the eye and talking to her while I have a dick inside me. Time for a lock on my door.
Randomize
