I only want to know people that are dynamic intelligent and totally insane
Did you ever notice that cashews look like fetuses?
They peed on our pledges last night... i dont know if i should put an lol at the end of that or not
im standing in line right now while the 711 manager calls other locations to see if they have the john cena collectors slurpee cup in stock...yep i need to get laid
I realised my life had gone downhill since being unemployed when I was making key lime pie on acid at 3am Tuesday morning.
my hip hurts so fuckin bad. and I just found a half eaten burrito in my nightstand drawer.
We are without power. He took ALL the lightbulbs out and hid them.
Look at my fb. It says single. That's the gospel.
i decided this morning while eating my breakfast of red bull and cold pizza that i should take a vow of celibacy
But I'm a half a mile from my bed. And I have the hiccups. I hate hiccups.
Well to me, someone is not really my friend until we go to a mcdonalds drunk at 4am. It's like a right of passage
Finals week game: One shot for every psychological trauma I've been through that I have to explain in detail. Man I hate my major sometimes.
Need a Dr's note to excuse me from blowjobs for 3-6 weeks while my jaw heals..
You set fire to his cat.
In my defense, I did not think it would be in the trash bag.
I know she’s pissed I fucked her husband, but I didn’t know he was married until after I blew him at Legoland
Randomize
