Please tell me you did not just serenade her with "Let's Get it On"?
Yeah I think it worked. My penis thanks you, Captain Morgan.
All my problems are solved. I just got McDonalds and scratch off lottery tickets.
I just heard a guy scream "it must be five o' clock!!" and another guy screamed "somewhere!!!" out from different balconies.
she's laying in my bed with an ice pack on her vagina. how do you think it went?
Why did you put hummus in my pillow case?
You just met him on Thursday, and you've already nicknamed him Golden Penis?
it's a simple rule - pass out shirtless on the couch, become an airsoft target.
I can already see the regret in her eyes. Amazing night. This city rules.
I'm pretty sure we scarred one of our coworkers. This is the second time he has caught us both fully undressed and banging at work.
Either he has bad timing or he wants to join.
i have officially banned the recreational use of bayonets.
What exactly do I say to a random stoner hookup to thank him for ending my dry spell? Is it awkward to just say "Thanks for that. It was well needed."
Dude she smelled like bar-b-que sauce. I can't think of anything better.
So I got cockblocked by our relationship status last night
I know I joke about running from my problems a lot but I'm 3 miles off-campus and need a ride
I'm like a camel in the desert in a black hole I'm so thirsty.
Randomize
