guess who was drunk and crawling in the middle of the road and got brought home by the police last night? HINT: ME
"fuck a duck" is spelled out in chinese food on my counter... im kind of nervous to search the rest of my house......
I did something last night that I shouldn't have, but I don't want to tell you because you'll probably just make it your fb status...
I see you've learned your lesson.
It hit me after I slept with his best friends and brother, that maybe I took it a bit far
Walk of Shame today included voting.
that was after you ironed the burrito. didn't leave much cheese on the ironing board though
Dude, I found out having naked people in your car is a felony.. Now were all fucked.
He just grabbed my boob and justified it by saying "I just wanna feel your heart beat"
The number of times I have seen your cock and the number of times I have wanted to see your cock are different!
Operation rebound complete... I fucked the bouncer
Please don't bang more than two exes at a time, just so I won't get confused.
he was spending his time trying to use emojis to court a 19 year old, I can’t really take that seriously no matter how hot a dude is
I just watched an old episode of Daria while eating brownies to cure day drunkness. Clearly I'm winning at adulting today.
my near death experience doubled as my sexual awakening
Just sent a nude with the caption "seasons greetings from our family to yours"
Randomize
