she just fell off the couch. onto a bag of pretzels. her face resembled a cat that just swallowed a sock.
i finally watched harry potter... a tad unrealistic if you ask me... i mean a ginger kid with 2 friends?
christmas break will be like the 25 days of orgasms
For her birthday she wants to, " try something different with our butts a funnel and a bottle of whiskey"
Euphemism? No, "pantsless vodka yoga" is a legitimate pastime of mine
Do you think I could convince a doctor that my uterus is poisoning me? It wouldn't technically be a lie. It does more harm than good.
If it meant we had chicks like that every weekend I would gay marry the shit out of you dude
I'm going to crush up my last 7 Percocets into a fine powder and toss my popcorn in it.
Who gives a hand job to a 19 yr old one night then the next lets a 31 year old random man fly a plane to town and pick u up and take u to dinner?
I have to estimate how long it takes them to get to the bedroom so that I can sneak out of my room and get snacks. If she's anything like me, they're in bed the second he gets here and I can get snacks now
seriously the second he called my tits warlocks was the second I knew I wasn't going to fuck him.
Your the only person to come back from spring break with a non std related infection
Thanks for letting me pee on your bed and cry about nothing to you. You're a real friend
I feel like there's def a learning curve to the sex swing
So I don't think the seahorse breeding thing is gonna work.
That was random, even for you Mom.
Randomize
