my coke dealer is running a Black Friday special
how do you say "fuck me and leave bruises" in italian?
I need to stop taking drags of other peoples cigarettes, it's such a tease. Like playing just the tip, you just can't
It was honestly like he was directing a porno or something. he kept telling different people to grab other people's boobs, it was all very artistic.
Apparently he's into classy girls that wear sweaters and don't throw up on him when they go out.
Fuck that. I'm not afraid to die. I'll prove you can survive on a bagel bites and rum diet.
Ps this homeless dude just came in hotel bar w a sword sticking out his jumpsuit trying to buy a drink w a 3rd party check
I remember doing shots of gin, then I have this strange memory of us making out in the womens room at waffle house.
I regret none of it.
I wish my bank account would intervene on my life choices.. $200+ in alcohol in 2 weeks and a $40 McDonald's bill is a cry for help.
For the record, rock bottom is where you start crying during porn because your ex used to slap your ass like that.. Continue on with your day now.
The picture on Facebook I was just tagged in, with the mask, that is the definition of Carmen, my drunk alter ego
and then you called me a third time and yelled that you were stealing a puppy named Willow
I am more than mildly offended he didn't screenshot the snapchat of my boobs.
You think I could convince him that having sex with another girl isn't cheating?
When I told the bartender it was my 21st birthday, he looked at me all pissed and said "But you've been drinking here as 21 for the past 2 years.." How do you THINK the night went?
So I take it free shots were a no after that?
Randomize
