you didnt have any toilet paper so I just took a shower
im getting my college education on yahoo answers.
there is a school bus full of santas parked in front of the liquor store
Still can't decide which I'm more disappointed about: the blow job I gave him or the donuts I ate after.
the fact that he forgave me for making out with the bartender is proof that i can fuck my way out of anything.
Why don't we skip the roadtrip entirely, save us the trip, and go straight to jail?
And I kind of want to stare at skinny jonah hill like a weird zoo exhibit lol.
Sober now. I'm really glad I didn't try to make out with that guy who has a pregnant fiance
Bro i pulled the fucking willy wonkas gold ticket of ratchets the other night this chick was a real treat god bless her
Also- should we send out holiday cards? That say, "Eat a dick, 2014"?
He? As in you personified your dick?
Just walked past the field playing Jesus music with a fanny pack full of condoms and beer. Happy Sunday.
a girl walked up to me and asked if you were my brother. she shook her head and said 'im so sorry' when i said yes. what did you fucking do????????
Of fucking course I get my period on Valentine's Day...
I’m looking forward to our Cougar years. These freshmen know how to fuck
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