This old guy in denny's is sitting alone and he is looking at us and laughing for no reason
Are you kidding me. My sex life has diminshed to having wet dreams about jerking off.
I'll go out only because I know the starving children in third-world countries would frown upon us if we let an hour of free sangria go to waste...
season finale of lost and an oz of weed. tonight my mind is going to be blown.
I won't be sarcastic... just naked
See, not all bad decisions involve my penis.
We're not in high school anymore. I'm not going to pretend to be impressed as he butchers my favorite songs on his guitar. I just wanted to get laid.
Just served breakfast to a bunch of hella drunk kids. They kidnapped the birthday boy for his 21st and he was wearing a disney onesy and bunny ears. They've been drinking since before dawn, why don't we have friends like that?
Such a good question, let's ask the alcohol gods for the answer.
Get here, there are important joints to be smoked and pies to be eaten
His ex-girlfriend just gave his current girlfriend the heimlach omg omg omg help this is so awkward
We need to make boob twerking a thing. I feel like that's why vine was invented
He said "you speak American pretty good for a Canadian" and it took everything in me to still fuck him. Dry spell ended btw
I told my parents how nice the girl at the frogurt store was. I neglected to mention that I nearly lost my virginity to her via foursome.
I wasn't that gone.
Dude, you cried and said how sorry you were when we asked why you had the dip.
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