We asked an illegal alien to buy us beer. He didn't even want a tip. I'm going to Washington to plead that case.
So. Much. Sex. I feel like i ran a marathon then someone kicked me in the vagina. Soo worth it
Why do i even want him? It's like his dick is a trophy and I need to put it on my wall of shame.
Oh my fucking god I saw the pictures. What the mother fucking fuck. Destroy the pictures. Destroy the fucking pictures.
Please confirm the destruction of the pictures. NOW.
If they weren't representing Obama and the White House, they definitely would've punched me in the face.
In honor of Sarah Palin's bday I suggest we watch Nailing Palin
Must say, as a couple, she and I are thrilled that our pretend lesbianism has paid off.
Like 50% of me thinks it'll be weird, 25% of me is curious & 25% of me is horny
we just ate hash browns in a nativity scene with baby jesus
Was having the best sex dream I've had in a while and only woke up when I heard my grandma fall down the stairs.
She fell off the bed and giggled until she passed out naked. It was really weird.
Probably not gonna date her.
Well I had to use a seat cushion at Soul Cycle today so, yeah, I'd say the sex was good
I kept falling all over the place and yelled at the bouncer you can't kick me out I'm from Texas.
I just talked comic books with a cop. We high-fived as he was running my name.
Proud of you.
We discussed the legality of being a vigilante. I won.
I'm not just straddling the line between love and hate, I'm dry humping the shit out of it
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