Ninja stars and alcohol are a bad combo
I just need someone to hold me and tell me i dont turn boys gay
So apparently vaginal secretions are not covered under water damage insurance for my cell phone
Yea...but the guy who is beating me has a ponytail. So actually, I'm the winner here.
tonight i'm making a christmas tree shaped shot pyramid
u got into a flexing contest with a dude in bathroom in the mirror at the club
I gotta find new tactics tho. There's just so many tied up dicks one can look at before part of your soul dies.
I NEED YOU HERE TO KNOCK THE MALT BEVERAGES OUT OF MY MOUTH
You're the third person who's asked me for an afternoon blow connection in one day. Unreal.
That's more of a you-issue than a me-issue
Dude, I puked in the stall for God knows how long. Halfway through, a kid sits down in the stall next to me and starts jacking off, i heard the porn on his phone and everything. so FYI, the middle stall is where good nights go to die
You threw a shot glass at the bartender and still managed to convince him to let us drink more. You are my hero.
Too bad Amazon Prime wouldn't get the wine bra flask to you in time. Concealed alcohol and huge tits? Win-win.
I woke up naked and you weren't here. What a relief.
Its okay I found my bra. ...it was on your cat. I wont ask questions.
I don't have a cat..?
Don't do it. It's 9 am on a Monday morning and I'm hungover. I can't deal with tears right now.
Randomize
