Do you have a shampoo for semen
Or a time machine
just shaved my legs at the gas station bathroom before going to the club. is that too ghetto?
So im at the gym and some guy has a tattoo of a hand doing the shocker... The douche bag bar has been raised yet again.
Can you put "designated driver" on a resume?
you're a mystery wrapped in an enigma. wrapped inside a burrito.
Doing blow at 6am to "wake myself up for clinicals" was a baaaaad idea
I'm gonna write a book one day about how to be the less attractive person girls settle for after getting dumped. I will send you a copy
So I put a beer on your bed and jumped on th3 other side of the bed like in the commercials. You my good sir, owe me a budweiser that your bed drank.
CSI Miami is on and the guy is trying to save this woman who got shot. By stripping off his shirt & belt. THE WOMAN NEEDS YOUR PANTS OFF TOO
Nope. I've found you care about two things in life: your momma and spreading your seed.
He told me he loved me and then peed his own bed. So at least it was a memorable one night stand.
I accidentally called my professor daddy...and I think he liked it. Help, I'm scared.
Here’s how sick I am. I’m not hungry. I don’t want coffee. And I don’t want dick. So, you know it’s bad.
You took your pants and underwear off as soon as we got to Melissa's and just walked around the entire time like it was completely normal. We even ate pizza together with your vagina exposed. You're my hero.
Did I ever tell you what happened that night after he ran you over?
Randomize
