Discovered the coffee filter hasn't been changed in a while. I believe the mold has hypnotic properties. Would try it again, but coffee vomit is not pleasant.
i have no idea who im with but someones making meatballs. im going to stay.
the brownie started to kick in before i finished the essay... it became a race against my own increasing intoxication
I didn't know there was such thing as a bad orgasm. Until him.
He's the kind you'd bring home and you'd wake up and all your food would be half eaten on the kitchen floor and all your socks would be missing.
There's gotta be a lawn gnome full ecstasy around here somewhere. And by golly I will find it
Of course I will... FYI I just gave my balls a crew cut.
That's like.....u just dangled a sex carrot in front of me then took it away!
You know you're doing well in life when weed is considered to improve your job performance
Indeed. If boner pill commercials have taught us anything, it's the importance of waiting until the moment is right.
Where else would I get life advice?
He sent me a snap of him eating a tamale shirtless. I think I might be in love.
LOCK HIM DOWN.
Well I just took a pregnancy test... So how's your thanksgiving?
Love waking up to a new contact named “Pizza” btw
I mean, I was going to use them for a beading project, but I guess I could take one and let you bat my dick around like a cat toy.
Hot fire fighters installing my closet. Don't know how to go about this. Gonna nonchalantly take my shirt off and see what happens..
Randomize
