At the Phils game. My gay buddy just wanted up to a bunch of Mets fans and said "I'm gay, and even I think Mets fans are a bunch of fags." I love this fuckin town.
i just heard Winston Churchill in auto-tune. thank you nerds.
I just opened up the mens room door to a dude pissing in the urinal and pointing at himself in the mirror
Does the blue bra belong to your sister or cousin?
Are you asking me on a date where we get shithoused and do some fingerpainting?
I have a busted ear drum from when he honked his horn when we started to have sex on his car in the parking lot...
Just fucking put out. It'll be a good lay, promise. Stop being a prude. Damn it. A boy is trying to put his penis in you. APPRECIATE IT.
merry christmas to all and to all I give the mystery rash.
finally remembered how I know that chick in my history class. she made and fed me ramen when I was wasted!
Is buying her a loofah for my house commitment like? I don't wanna give the wrong idea
There is a hatefuck that has the destruction level of an atom bomb raging through my viens just aching to vaporize her.
I only remember singing the Captain Planet theme song on our way to the bars.
She's the queen of dating. She managed to get a date with a guy who saw her puke five times in two hours.
I ask him how he's going, like life and stuff, and he responds "20-0 pats"
Dignity. Ruined. Must. Smoke. Weed.
Randomize
