Sometimes I feel like I shouldn't drink when I come out of a black out half naked covered in puke. Then I realize thats why I drink.
So i had sex for a couple seconds last night
I just saw a hobo shake a payphone until it spat out a bunch of quarters. what a champ.
Jeremys mom is here. I gave her mad jello shots and now were griding. ima give it to her: ultimate payback for him fucking my gf.
$22.99 left in the bank til payday = 3($7 jack & coke) + 2($0.89 T-Bell taco) + $0.21 in case of emergency.
math is fun
i'm drinking with a bunch of phds, i feel very stupid but good about my drinking abilities
I like to melt taper candles in my wine bottles the next day, it makes my drinking trophies more classy, and makes me look like less of an alcoholic.
apparently i found nail polish and started playing a game i made up called "paint a nail, do a shot"
Those motion detector trash cans don't work fast enough to catch puke.
i'm traumatized. his orgasm face consisted of him looking like my dead grandfather and burping.
The only thing I like when I am high is sex. And Cheez Its. But mostly sex.
THEN YOU WILL NOT GET TO SEE MY TITS TONIGHT OR IN THE NEAR FUTURE YOU HEARTLESS BASTARD
Call it slutty but I take pride in being a first round draft pick booty call. And I know I was first cause he texted me at 1030a
If you find me in the bathroom in a fetal position, licking frozen bacon .. I might have Drank a little too much.
I think I accidentally got a sugar daddy but I was already planning on sleeping with him so I’m going to see where this goes
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