O.A.R does not stand for Old Recycled Abortions.
I know it's getting bad when I wash the bong more often then the dishes
you refused to come out of the bathroom until i asked you in spanish
I spit up blood this morning
That's vegas.
Just asked my dog if he was proud of me for making it home. That drunk.
I made a tournament bracket for the girls that Im talking with.
at the time it didn't seem likely that you would ever find the cake in your underwear
I got kicked out of the men's bathroom at the diner last night because i was straddling the sink attempting to pee with pants on. Beat that.
Surprise court date day!!! Wake the fuck up!
In the morning when you read your texts, just fyi you showed up at my house drunk off your ass and shoe less and demanded I go to the bar. You need Jesus.
Nothing says hey I wanna be your friend again like ambushing me with a dick pic
He was like 120 lbs and 20 of that was penis
She was riding me and giving me score updates to the basketball game at the same time..... Shes a keeper
My inner 10 year old alcoholic is intrigued.
Omg. I checked my purse this morning and I'm pretty sure drunk me stole a frat guys tube of crest 3d white toothpaste. Like that's pretty fucked up but I think if I knew someone did that to me I'd probably still invite them over again cuz I'd be like, "this girl's creative, and has good hygiene."
Randomize
