I could be a Disney star with the amount of nude photos of mine that get leaked.
Haha im Trying. This detox stuff tastes nasty. It's bad when the only thing that came to mind when i took the first sip was how good it would be with Vodka
shes perfect for him. shes never seen a penis so she has nothing to compare his to.
they ran out of ice so they are using frozen shrimp in their drinks
I was too drunk to read the menu, let alone her body language.
we're tailgating intramural basketball with hard drugs and tequila...and i think the players are taking shrooms
This honesty session brought to you by jagermeister inc.
You force fed me pizza in bed last night. That was fun
I'm sorry I came to your house drunk and fed pizza to your dog.
I made out with him in the club and he endorsed me on Linkedin. My networking skills are off the charts.
P.s. There are few things I love more than brand new mascara and you are one of them.
sometimes i just have a bad day n consider lowering my standards
he's annoying when i'm sober but vaguely hot when i'm drunk so yes i do have a preference and it goes by the name of vodka
Help. Why am I so naked?
I texted him: “Come over for the Super Bowl. I promise lots of scoring.”
My divorce is turning into a porn script
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