every time i drive by the road she lives on, i scream in the car "i'm sorry i'm sleeping with your boyfriend!" makes me feel less whore-y.
I'm so hungover i just sang the alphabet to see if "Z" comes after "W"
I wanna tell red shirt guy I'm pregnant and use the abortion money for Coachella.
He painted his chest for the game... I just fucked an exclamation point.
They better compete for your attention. Dual to the fuck
at least the person I hooked up with donates to charity, the shirt I was wearing this morning was his relay for life shirt.
fuck it. im taking monday off to do some Jagering.
we're decorating our christmas cookies with birth control. so pretty.
I was just the victim of a drive by judging in a horse and buggy.
The fuck? Where?
St. Mary's. Amish people. Too high for this.
He also wore a doorag last night so i had to swipe left.
No more bourbon. Sleep now. I may die. Pray for me.
i woke up face planted on your ottoman..thanks for letting me sleepover
And change of plans today, I'm gonna lay in bed and eat taco bell and try not to die. Brazilians another day.
Woke up to find that I was cock blocked by no more than three people.
when she didn't finish her burrito you wanted to call the cops because you said it was neglect
Randomize
