just woke up to two already rolled blunts and a full explanation of what happened last night. I love my gf
There's a paramedic out here, what have you done?
Im going home to examine my vagina with a hand mirror. wish me luck.
Hes laying on the floorn in the bathroom telling Jesus to raise the flag
That's so unfortunate for him bc you can always find another penis, but he's stuck with it
She peed in the limo. She stood up and pulled up her dress and peed on the floor of the limo.
She kept telling the ambulance to sit down and then started crying when we told her it couldn't hear her
The best revenge is living well. Or pooping in his sunroof. Either or
All of my Tinder matches have neck tattoos. It's like God wants me to go to jail again.
i mostly like you because you have a nice nose and that's an important trait to pass on to my future children
His Instagram is like a gay porn blog all of the sudden got conquered by the Mormon missionary that he is
Look, I tried but his dick tasted like disappointment.
well ya only live once...
that cant be your answer for every horrible thing you do
Oh lord. I have no recollection. I just got up. Surveying the damage. Found phone with messages out by pool. Still have not located my top or determined when i stopped wearing it
I woke up in a warehouse with the words “Property of Adam” written on my chest in frosting.
Randomize
