I bet when she looks at herself in the mirror she wishes brown paper bags were in fashion.
I just rolled a joint with a page from On The Road by Kerouac. I have never felt like more of a hipster.
I looked at the bar tab this morning. The bartender added a $25 'customer asshole fee'. I have no grounds to dispute it.
Awww. A guy on the train just took his coat off so his girlfriend could throw up into it. Who says chivalry is dead?
my goal is to masturbate without thinking about my exbf.
GET THE DICK OUT OF YOUR MOUTH AND CHECK FACEBOOK.
My dad told me my only assignment from now til graduation is to not die. it's a legit concern for him.
Then my perve supervisor asked about your vagina. And I was like nunya, but its glorious
my human sexuality class is the only class where the porn i watch the night before is relevant to the discussion the next day
Did he think I was flirting with him when I ordered a hot dog bc no
Thirty seconds is a long time in jizz time...
Someone broke into my car last night. Didn't take anything, even left the beer in my backseat. They need to get their priorities straight, obviously.
the cop said "drunk and disorderly" like it was a bad thing
somehow I wound up on the floor crying about his beard. then telling everyone I'd give him a "lesbian blowjob".
If you find out what that means, show me.
Your heart isn't making stupid decisions... your penis is outsmarting your brain. Stop fucking her!
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