my mom just told me how she used to love having sex while stoned. wtf.
I would give away a ton of these clothes but I doubt there are any homeless people who dress as slutty as me
craigslist faux pas number 857, just got head in a disability bus.
i awoke yet another morning with penis breath. ive been so generous santa has to bring me a shit ton of presents
Just ducktaped my beer to my bike. See you in ten.
Do you know how awkward it is to call the bar from last night and ask if they found my leggings?
oh my god. separately texting an Allie and an Ally while drunk is hard, and I'm climbed 1/2 way up a bridge pier.
For real, I've been ditched by my boyfriend twice today alone. I fucking shaved for this guy.
Somewhere out there, Gloria Steinem just started to cry.
New fuck buddy and long time fuck buddy are carpooling home for thanksgiving. #10hrconvoaboutmyblowjobskills
Just when I thought I was growing up, I go out and TOTALLY REDEEM MYSELF
I came home braless and wearing a tail....
I looked into this "it's just lunch" matchmaker thing and it was like 5 grand. If I'm gonna spend five grand I'll throw in another three and get new tits and find my own fucking husband.
I don't even think NICOLE made a fool of herself last night...
your aware she lit herself on fire, right?
And despite my lack of successful relationships I'm a fucking guru
That's like claiming you're a good coach but going 2-12 last season
My last one night stand called me today. Apparently I gave him a yeast infection in his mouth. Not sure how I should feel about this.
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