someone is gonna have my baby tonight. they just dont know it yet
I'll alert the authorities
i have a feeling he has a nice dick. i can just sense it.
if you wouldnt have been fucking me hard and crazy like that then my bed wouldn't have broke. you owe me 600.
so you admit it was good then??
I drunkenly asked a stripper to join our volleyball team.
he was definitely TRYING to give me herpes.
So I went to daintily fall onto my bed like I was in a hotel commercial and I completely missed my matress and landed on my floor. Just thought u should know.
Seeing Grandma lick chocolate sauce off of the male stripper was definitely not the way I planned to enter the world of legal drinking.
I bought something for you today. You'll love it.
What is it? Drugs?
FIND ME A DICK TO RIDE THAT HOPEFULLY IS ATTACHED TO A CUTE PERSON AND NICE PERSONALITY
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED. Is it okay if I only get 2 out of 3?
The D is nonnegotable.
Dude my pants were only on for 20 minutes after she got there.
That's 30 minutes too many.
ok but bondage is pretty much my easy mode
I just found a piece of dried shredded carrot on my bed
Dude you came into the room last night soak and wet and told me you just took a shit in the shower
this old people party is bangin. they have apple cider with everclear in it
...i have a beer in one hand, and a chicken wing in the same. typical tuesday, right?
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