im sorry i hit your dog last night,,,i didnt even see it
I dont have a dog?
WTF
just found out my sister was breast fed and i was not...pretty upset about that.
I'll hook up with guys I don't even like, as long as they leave early enough the next day.
i woke up to my roommate spraying cooking spray on my legs. fourth time this has happened. not cool.
woke up at my desk with a paper in front of me that says "people stranded on islands love having wet dreams" what the fuck happened last night
No stds, not pregs, and lost two pounds. I'd call that a successful two years of grad school.
My bosses just told me they met their wives on one night stands. I'm stoked.
why the fuck would he compare you to sexy aquatic creatures?
This year I'm going to try NOT getting arrested. I think the 30th birthday is the cutoff for calling Mom to bail me out.
Now that there's no chance of him coming over to fuck anymore, I'm going to put up a one-person tent in my bedroom and live in it. My bed reminds me of him.
Man, I wish they all looked like that. Your vagina deserves to have a nice frame around it, and God's signature at the bottom.
Someone is in my phone as "fireball girl" and keeps texting me. How do I go about finding out who it is?
if i cared i wouldnt have woken you up by pouring a bottle of soy sauce on you.
is that what this stuff is?
Started out playing table tennis then ended up fucking him on the table. Happy cinco de mayo
I found a used condom and a hairbrush in my dryer this morning.
Hiring someone to do your laundry would be a good investment.
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