How am I supposed to spread my seed with you "modern women" and your birth control?
What would you have done with a 40 foot neon parrot anyway?
Get over here. It's an emergency. Just realized I haven't hd my mouth on a penis in two weeks. Get over here.
apparently the bartender would rather give me free shots than tell me that my whole nipple piercing was hanging out
If someone would have told me in preschool that I was going to do him I would have said no
I have surprise drugs for everyone
will you please stage a drunk girl intervention and tell him that his chain is severely harming his chances of getting laid tonight?
I think mom knows I'm drunk I put a full blown balloon in the fridge.
I almost lit my balls on fire tonight.
we're a generation of lazy underachieving stoners and uncreative overachieving automatons. you're golden
Just introduced myself to a group of people and one dude said "You're Marc!? I've heard many a legend of you." I raised bottle of champagne, said cheers, and drank with them.
Pssh I just bang a girl in a single person tent. Thats like the back seat of a sedan.
It was a frighteningly large penis to say the least
The awkward moment when a lady ask you what kind of lipliner you're using, but really I have just finished eating hot cheetos.
I just made deviled eggs for everyone not passed out. Im officially becoming a drunk chef.
Randomize
