Actions speak louder than words. Her actions scream crazy.
just used a caramelizing gun to spark a bowl, i don't think today could get much better than this.
I had to go to the front counter of the restaurant and ask for the key because I was "pretty sure my friend is passed out in the bathroom right now"
I can't even use my hands i'm so hungover
Learned a valuable life lesson last night. It's titled "Tequila: Still A Bad Idea".
I was afraid that she would smell her boyfriend's penis on my breath while we were talking.
You will receive a large, large reward, worth much more than the actual phone you are holding, paid not only in cash but in sexual favors, if you return this phone! Please respond if you're interested in cash/sex/or just being a good person. Thanks and hope to hear from you soon!
College: when you have to set an alarm to start drinking
Hey man, I found your crocs and your visor in the road. Got em for you.
You haven't lived until you've watched a retriever try to bring back the condom you just threw in its master's garbage
blew off easter dinner with the fam to go play shot roulette. woke up in nothing but my boxers in the back of a random pickup truck.
I basically gave Miranda rights to the guy I hooked up with, jus so we were all clear what was happening
We were fucking in the boat on the lake when another boat saw us and honked their appreciation.
The number of threesomes I have agreed to seems to increase every time I talk to you drunk...
on a scale of one to ten where does vomming from being hungover during a professionalism lecture fit
Randomize
