do you know mcdonalds refuses to give out large cups of water now? you have to buy a bottle or they give you a small cup. No exceptions.
RUDE.
I said FINE, then I'd like 7 small waters and 2 of those nifty carrying cases to carry about my h2o.
outsmarted mickey deeeees
pop tarts are not kleenex
You wouldn't know anything about the tooth on ice in my freezer would you?
I'm going to need your assistance. I cannot walk back to the house in a bear costume.
You kept trying to throw the grocery cart off the balcony.
Speaking of testosterone. I saw a girl with a moustache thicker than one I can grow last night...
I woke up to a shot of jager next to my face. I felt bad for it so i drank it
Holding a cold bottle of mikes hard lemonade against my pulverized taint....this is my Sunday night
We have 24 days left before I leave for college and 21 condoms left in the stockpile. Are you up for the challenge?
I don't get hangovers. Except once. And there is a massively epic story behind that, involving so much alcohol I should have died, and 13 raw hotdogs.
Also I owe you 20 bucks, a clean towel and a glass of scotch. I'll even throw in a blow job
Hey can you send me a copy of my mugshot? I need it to prove a point
I met a gypsy today. She told me my soul animal was an owl and says she will now remember me as "Owl Girl".
She gave me a roadie as we drove home from fireworks. People were still lighting off their displays as we drove by. I love America.
I was planning out a scrapbook to memorialize my affair.......and that's when it hit me, I don't make good choices. On the upside, the scrap book came out great and I am glad I saved all the gate passes from the airport.
Randomize
