his blackberry tasks were 1. take names and 2. kick ass
I feel like im in a tornado of daylight savings, tequila and death
Nothing says I've got my life together like buying a jumbo bottle of 7$ wine in sweat pants on a monday night
I'm not sure how exactly, but this funeral has turned into a ridiculous night of drinking games
Can you pinpoint the moment you decided it was acceptable to trade blow jobs for beers or was it a gradual slide?
sorry can't make it tonight, greg's getting back from italy. he's had two weeks of carbs and no gym; now's my chance to get myself a piece of that newly-fat, low self-esteemed ass.
Just wrestled a cop. He won my shorts. I won my freedom. In fishnets and army boots. still headed to the party. would appreciate pants, but not necessary.
Dude he fell into my wall and left an imprint then decided to have sex with the door open. Vents carry noise pretty well
He's laying next to me passed out dressed as a hooters girl
I bet he's a super pretty hooters girl
you know it was a successful halloween when you wake up and have a firecracker in your tits
Is it bad form to spend company money and place an ad in the paper because I wanna nail the sales girl?
I asked him to tell me a bedtime story, then threw up on him.
Mom just walked in with a bag of weed and funyuns. I'll talk to you later.
Honestly I really just want to do you in the mail truck. Thought about it a lot today
I just don't understand why your parents aren't supporting your dreams of being a medieval weapon smith.
Randomize
