so i havent checked yet but im almost positive that my left ass cheek is bruised. any idea what happened last night.
what the fuck man? i was JUST texting you the same thing. FUCK
i was concerned for your health after you took your "last shot" four times...
Miserable. My projectile vomit just woke me up from a 5.5 hour nap.
im pretty sure while i was fucking her my dog was fucking her dog too
I have decided today is drunk costume day. That is, i woke up still drunk and found costumes all over my floor. Heck yes. This is happening. Come over. Drink.
just chugged some gatorade and threw it up. todays gonna be awesome
Hey remember that spam cooked in dr pepper we made? 10x better when the dr pepper is rum
okay the fridge is completely filled only with alcohol. Not even exaggerating. There is no food.
Sometimes I wonder if we're going to make it to 40.
He stood me up and then his cat died. I feel like this is Gods way of saying he's on my side, even after the tequila fiasco.
That moment when you notice a tiny IR camera pointing at you, in your bed, at the apartment you found on Craigslist.
I told you naked hot tub wrestling would turn bad now one of us has a gash on the head and another a black eye
I imagine you as a cat holding your burrito with two paws and cutely eating it
I thought it turned out lovely. You got to see me almost naked and I got to be stoned to the point I was content with
Wtf when were you almost naked??
she crawled a good forty meters just to whisper in my ear... "dildon't"
I just realized this morning that my fridge is stocked with coronas, hot dogs, and cheese dip. And I just got waxed. High-five, your best friend is on track to be all kinds of slutty fun this wkd.
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