If Billy Mays did an infomercial on your dick, it still wouldn't get you laid.
Just asked what her favorite part of a guys body is. She said ballsack. I'm in love.
Apparently throwing up on your own cape is still a party foul
I told my mom happy mother's day then rubbed my belly and said "Oh, and happy grandmother's day too..." She started sobbing. You were right, that wasn't the best way to tell her.
you can't just make up for the fact that you broke up with me by tagging yourelf in my embarrassing facebook videos of you
Its so hard looking at my mom and pretending I'm not dying a slow death of binge drinking
Giving my coworkers lap dances cuz it was my turn to decide our team bonding exercise. Go happy hour!
You came on the chandelier from the first floor.. Of course were allowed back
I can dream in two languages, but it's still about ripping a bong.
All I know is that I woke up with my pajamas on inside out in front of a bowl of watered down kd. Sitting up. I didn't even make it to bed.
Getting your clit pierced is not something you want to trust to a crazy girl with an ice cube, some vodka, and a sewing needle. Trust me. I learned that the hard way.
I can tell right now that knowing you will either be really fun or ruin my life
The man was doing everything in his power to get away from his wife, including go into the gay club.
Wet should excavate the hamsters out of the front yard n give them a proper burial.
But we have bathrooms and they dont
Randomize
