Let's get naked and see who's stronger.
thanks 4 putting "im not your boyfriend baby" on my sex playlist. she just got pissed and left.
I get free beer too. Its called a vagina and its accepted everywhere like visa
Tell me the dirtiest joke you know
Sarah Palin
god, I love you
it appears as though my vagina has gotten the best of me again
we flagged you as soon as you tried to put the lime in the microwave to prove it was really a kiwi. again.
He spent the entire date challenging me to chugging contests.
She just face-timed her mom and had her watch all of us toast to her grandmas tits..
A horseman, i repeat, a man on a horse downtown just told me i was gorgeous and my friends were not. Not drunk enough.
Scary truckers and hobos. These are the men I attract
He told me my outfit made me look like a twelve year old then proceeded with "but you don't look like a whore"
I'm pretty stoned, and for a second I forgot that I'm not actually Barbie and I was getting excited about all the fun we were going to have on my jet.
ten seconds after he was done making out with the blonde, he rips off his jacket and screamed "Goddamn it, you know I like brunettes"
I have never seen someone so pissed at getting some. i called dibs so fuck him
That went from 0 to lesbian orgy much faster than expected...
Happy 4 year arrest-aversary! I promise no thanksgiving has been as eventful as that one haha..
Randomize
