Forgive me I'm always horny when I wake up
Homeslice needs to figure out he's so 2006
Our Neighbors are trying to steal our ducks!
that would be two times in a week with two different guys.
they have the same name so it only counts as one guy right?
he literaly had a hockey helmet on and was swan diving off the couch onto the coffee table.
Just went through campus. In the span of 2 min I saw 4 places I've had sex. And thats just down one street. Man do I miss college.
Yessssss I diiiiid! I enjoyed 38% of it. There are 4 qualifications and 2 were good. 1. There is a penis in my vagina (Pass) 2. It's a big penis (Fail) 3. The sex is long and exciting and makes me sweat and have 6 pack abs (fail) 4. I got off (uhhh potential to pass...)
Yes I did. Thanks. I was actually an hour and half early. I'm better at public transport than I thought. Guy behind me on the bus is also crying. We compared cry-snot. It was nice in a weird sad way.
American Eric just peed on us from the second floor. Hes now very confused as to why his "toilet is yelling." Send help.
She asked for references to decide whether she wanted to have sex with me. And she was serious.
She's running around the streets punching people and narrating. I don't know whether to laugh or stop her
You're just a heartbreaker with a knitting problem
WHY IS THE HAIRSPRAY SOUNDTRACK PLAYING IN THE LIQUOR STORE
i put frozen meatballs in my drink thinking they were ice cubes and I'm vegetarian wtf
I can't tell if this is a hangover or just a perfect combination of shame and regret
Randomize
