I wish there was a morning after pill that made you instantly sober
I am no longer a man. I just realized I prefer Spongebob to college football.
Just saw a white bronco on my way home from work and the license plate said "NOT OJ"
also. he gave me a foot massage during 69ing when i got a cramp. he's a winner.
yes he does come on. what guy wouldnt want his penis named after a dragon
Printed off fake 'Producer' Sundance badges for us. Pretty sure they double as free passes for getting laid by 'actresses'. Testing this theory tonight.
the only thing you and i have in common is the we like weed and looking at my naked body.
Because her vagina is one of those illusive black holes that leads to a parallel universe where he is king and the sea is made of beer! That is why they are together!
he forgot we were at my place and not his so he tried kicking me out of my own apartment by saying "so, you can go whenever you want...."
If you don't let me come over I'm gonna call you on speaker and you have to listen to her scream and moan too
Whenever I think to myself, "I don't work for a bunch of hours"... It's shot time?
like i literally can feel my uterus getting frustrated at me for not being pregnant.
he has pokemon bedsheets but his dick is huge so i took one for the team
I jus want to remember tomorrow how proud I was tonight for wearing my rainbow leggings as a long sleeved shrug I feel like fucking MacGuyver
They told him he could only pay in monopoly money and he pulls out a wad of it from his pocket... i think im in love
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