people should stop making movies, we'll never top bio-dome.
You tried to call "time out" during the sobriety test.
It felt like he was juggling my kidneys with the head of his penis... If you could even call it that, it was more like a lochness monster. Huge and mythical.
I've discovered that regular handcuff keys, sadly, do not work on real police handcuffs.
How much morphine is too much? Keep in mind that I'm going to my graduation dinner with my parents.
So stoned i forgot i was in bed
We decided to make playlists for each other. Do you know any songs that say "sorry I'm not as hot as your prostitute ex?"
No dude, I'm not naming my kid after your beard
The guy at the ER said it was the first time he's given stitches for a funneling accident. Then he seemed upset that I took pride in that...
Just walked in on him banging another girl. He told me " sorry but I'm gonna finish now that I'm caught" ...... I think this is the reason god gave me four older brothers....
Just wiped the ashes off my forehead before he came over to have sex. Definitely going to hell.
Oh good, bag of butt plugs is in my predictive text now
Typing the whole thing out was getting to be such a chore
Nothing more awkward that being butt ass naked in a guys bed and his ex wife shows up with his kid....
I would ride that face into the sunset
Damn. Looks like nobody I know is doing anything interesting. Guess it's another slut-it-up-with-strangers sort of night.
Randomize
