The spoon I was using to ice my hickey just fell out of my purse while i was paying at the liquor store. I look like an alcoholic with a meth problem.
dude, despite what happened last night, I'm not gay
Are u religion class? I'm on my way, I have cum in my hair. tell u later.
I think I am morally bankrupt
you told me heaven would be the 3 of us at Moe's forever and every hot girl that walked in would ask us to play stone face
so do the steelers give the refs blowjobs at halftime or after the game?
he's having a long distance Facebook-coordinated power hour. the status update has 159 comments ...
she ate the whole pudding cup using only her tongue. i'm considering going lesbian for her
Two questions: what are you doing RIGHT NOW? and do you know how to drive a golf cart?
#1 benefit of having an equality sticker on my car: some girl flashed me while i was driving home
Just realized I lost my social security card...maybe someone else will do something with my life
So I'm sitting at my desk and Thunderstruck came on my iPod. I then proceeded to drink coffee every time I heard thunderstruck. Who says you don't remember anything from college?
Last night was incredible. I can tell by the nacho cheese on my jacket
this is the second day the intern has gotten me coffee. he either wants to bang me or thinks I'm more important than I am.
either way he's in for disappointment
Our love of vodka is more proof than a maternity test
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