Woke up in a pool of alcohol sweat. Probably could wring out my sheets and make a decent cocktail.
I feel like one of those toads that you lick to get high or find a prince.... cept when you lick me you find a drunk whore.
is it bad that i regret hanging out with a girl tonight because that means i have less time to sit on youtube watching xmen cartoons?
i should teach a seminar on how to fall off the wagon
Dude, I fucked her last night with nothing but my bandana on. Like straight Indian chief style.
And then I asked the bartender for my third shot and he told me he had to cut me off at two because this was in fact a family fun center
Is it acceptable I'm laying in bed drinking airplane bottles?
In our world? Yes, but I'm disappointed yoiu are wasting airplane bottles. Save them for sneaky occasions
Woke up this morning buried in a mountain of chex mix and bubble wrap. We must have been doing something great last night
A BJ like that needs to be recommended.
That's totally the Emoji for "just ran into some girl who knows I know she had an abortion"
Nhl reached an agreement. I plan on getting me some celebratory sex from a hockey player.
You're 31, how do you still outdrink all these college kids?
Practice, Irish genes, and a lack of desire to live past 40. But mostly practice.
Go forth my friend, but don't do any of that fruitful and multiplying shit.
Sexy intern needs to have caveman sex with me
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog
If you left your bike out in front, I just watched some dude steal it.
Randomize
