i think i just puked on my phone
we live great lives
My dad just told me if I'm going to smoke pot, to make sure I use a clean needle. WTF?
Funny how often beer equates to second degree burns on some portion of my body.
We broke two of his toes while having sex. He laughed said he'd fix it in the morning and kept going. I think I'm in love
Riding on an electric horse at the grocery store... dunno how that conversation went but I hope you picked up a 12 pack.
I am now trying to reassure her that she doesn't have a wide-set vagina. So thanks, for whatever you said.
So the name of the kid from the sponsor a child comercial popped into my head while I was masturbating this morning. Needless to say I will now be now be donating out of guilt.
I feel like this has turned into my work. But if I get paid sitting under a desk, that's perfectly fine with me.
He ate me out in the forest at that park we used to hit my bong in highschool again, somehow this isn't what I pictured being 25 would be like
You know what, don't say anything. You all made fun on me for saying I would fuck him junior year when he taught us algebra and six years later, HERE I AM.
A group of drunk Marines just serenaded me, never leaving this place
He was asleep with his head on a windowsill and you were petting his head, then you almost left the kitchen and then went back to pet him some more.
The man was doing everything in his power to get away from his wife, including go into the gay club.
Its really hard to get off when the googly eyes on your vibrator stare into your soul..
I just put on the jeans I was wearing last night and pulled 4 baby carrots out of my back pocket....
Randomize
