Raise your hand if you bought 2 annoying girls shots of water. CLOWNS.
i dont think there is any level of not caring that i havent covered in the last month
I feel like you just avenged me for every guy who came in my hair
If I have to take him to the hospital, I'm drawing dicks on his face
i drank out of a bidet.
And at least you didn't have a dinner of Ranch Pringles and Double Stuff Oreos. I forgot that part of being single.
I realized after pounding back 151 and head banging into each other to "the drop" of that dub step song, that we weren't meant to have boyfriends at this point in time.
I sold him an eighth while trippin balls wearin my girlfriends tutu and tube top. and i was talking about albinos the entire time
well, he defiantly picked the right guy to buy drugs from
Food poisoning on first date... Still rode the mechanical bull like a champ
I air guitared a man's prosthetic leg on the bar to Bruce Springsteen. That's how it's going
How did I pull off convincing everyone that my name is Dad? Maybe they were just distracted by my boobs.
Why can't you just come over, fuck me, then leave so i can get stoned and watch law and order?
I'm eating a block of cheese like its a sandwich in the tsa line
I want you to know I am at work super hungover and I threw up in the mop sink. I feel like you will appreciate this
You're my fucking hero
Dont... please don't. Don't fuck him on his bean bag bed
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