her vagina probably looks like a grenade went off in a deli
He threw me out a window and then threw raw ground beef at us. Normally you'd hate someone for that, but that guy's great.
Just did a walk of shame dressed as a cowgirl and walked past his ex's entire sorority. Yippee kye aye, motherfucker.
I don't want to have to force feed him my vagina!!
Everytime the frat boy touches his bro's ass after making a cup take a drink
Dude. Remember the only two rules I set for that? Always have a sober friend and don't do drugs with a fat chick.
Is it too early to say this year has been a blur?
I miss you more than I would miss junk food if I went on a diet. And you've seen me eat, you know how desperate I'd be.
He held the kayak still so I wouldn't tip over while projectile vomiting. If that ain't true love, I don't know what is...
Btw his name is Woody. I must be really drunk to think this is a good situation
Was the picture of her twerking on a fake plant sufficient?
He finally left. I didn't introduce him to the roommate. The sex is bad. I don't want him to feel welcome
I'm sitting here with a band aid on my labia, this is a first
You peed in the sink and kept shouting "I'm the black swan! Ca-caw!"
Best and worst whiskey dick ever. I am hungover and can't move from the hours of sex, he on the other hand has a raw bruised dick. I win.
Randomize
